My husband, Eliemerson, and I recently had the opportunity to speak to a group of couples about communication – one of the most important factors in a marriage. It is imperative that we learn how to communicate so that we can feel understood, loved and secure.
Here are some of the thoughts we shared that day:
Song of Songs 2:2 · “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.“.
The wife must be that flower. Although we live among thorns, she should be like a lotion – refreshment for the soul.
The thorns represent adversities, struggles, difficulties and challenges that the man will have to face. Only when he sees his loved one will he receive the sweet aroma that only SHE can bring.
The man should long for that time with his loved one. A wife should not be on the defensive with her boxing gloves on. Instead, she should be the rest that her husband needs.
Song of Songs 2:3 · “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.“
The apple tree is a large tree, reaching up to 10 meters in height. Our beloved should be strong – with a strength that can be found only in God. He searches out the things of God and is undeniably a friend of the Lord.
The shade this tree provides brings protection from the sun. As wives, we want to feel secure and protected in the shadow of our beloved.
The apple tree is known by its fruit: the apple. This teaches us that our beloved is fruitful and we enjoy the fruit he provides us with.
Song of Songs 2:14 · “My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely“.
Communication in marriage is like a river that gives life to our home. Proverbs 18:21 teaches us that, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
One of the greatest problems in communication occurs when we do not understand what is being communicated or when the words used are bitter instead of sweet.
Only 30% of communication takes place through words, so we should choose the words we use very carefully. Song of Songs teaches us that our words should be SWEET.
Our words need to be understandable. We should make every effort to ensure we transmit what we want to communicate in the best possible way.
Our words can be verbal or written.
Here is one of the poems my Beloved wrote for me…
“You take my breath away, even now as I write these words and I think about you and I can see you and your beautiful smile, my loved one! Your charming smile won my heart the first moment I saw you. I thank God for bringing you to my country because, only by your side, have I been able to find the true meaning of love. You are so sweet and lovely, your words are sweet, your gaze is loving, your touch is delicate, your embrace takes me to heaven. My loved one, you truly are the expression of the perfection of God!
I love your eyes, through them I can see how much love there is in you… I see how you love me and this fills my soul with joy. With just one touch of your hands on my face, I immediately feel like I am in paradise, enjoying the wonderful emotions a man can experience.
I am so thankful for your life… I love you and I will always love you.
From the most blessed man in the world,
Song of Songs 2:4 · “Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love.“
The other way we communicate is through attitudes and expressions. As you know, we can say so much with just one look or expression. Body language is important and we need to learn how to use it correctly.
7 pieces of advice that will protect your marriage
Never use the weapon of silence.
Never use lies to conceal a reaction that might come.
Do not place parents, parents-in-law or friends between you.
Do not jump to conclusions.
Learn to understand one another, not to try and defeat each other.
Use phrases in the future or present tense, not in the past.
Use phrases like “I feel like…” and NOT phrases like “You’re always…” Do not think that negative words will bring about something positive.
Song of Songs 2:7 · “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.“
When I met Eliemerson, he won my heart. At the beginning of our relationship, we lived an 8 hour plane ride apart. The things I enjoyed most were writing to him and reading what he wrote, and hearing his voice and being able to tell him how I felt. From the very beginning, our relationship has been adorned with words, attitudes and a genuine effort to spend time with each other. This is why, in our marriage, we have determined to enter into the dream of love that the Word speaks about.
It speaks of a genuine, pure love that makes us feel as if every inch of our soul, our being, our body longs to express that true love. I want to invite you to seek to enter into this wonderful dream. Do not allow anything to get in the way.